How well would you say you know yourself? As an actor my job is to study the human condition and reveal what I’ve learned through the medium of film or the stage. But I think before we can tell someone’s story we should at least be able to tell our own. So what are the ingredients of a good actor. Well there are many books, theories, ‘methods’ of study that define this. Much of which is from highly reputable sources, so much more so than myself. I am a beginner, still learning this craft of acting. But from what I’ve been taught and from what I’ve gleaned from the mouths of those I worship in this field. A major component of the craft is the ability to observe. To study, to see.
My acting teacher often tells a story about Al Pacino’s answer to the question, how does one play drunk. What did Al say… you get up and be drunk! I love that story and I often think about it. To get up and do it, wouldn’t we first have to see? But if we are not willing to see ourselves how can we see another? Can we see another if we don’t see ourselves?
I’ve been ‘looking’ at myself lately. Actually for most of this year I’ve taken seminars, read books, observed the observer, ie me. I’ve dived deeper into the spiritual, the “paranormal”, the scientific on this quest to discover who I am and why I am and where am I really? I’ve had some amazing revelations about my-SELF. Some wonderful, some embarrassing, and evidently I feel I’ve had such a growth spurt this year. Where I was cold and distant I feel more warmth (sometimes hot & steamy actually!). Where I was guarded I’m more open. No more rules to who or what can come into my life. Because one of the major lessons I got this year is NON-ATTACHMENT. Nothing lasts forever. People, places, things come and go. Ebb and flow. So I’ve been more open in the heart center knowing if it’s uncomfortable or upsetting it’ll be gone soon. If its ecstatic or breathtaking let in deep, deep, it’ll be gone soon.
And consequently I’ve probably had one of the best showcase experiences in a while. On stage and off stage. Off stage backstage where the real drama can be I lost me temper never, why because I’m having an moment, an experience and I need to savor it because it will be gone soon. On stage I was free, flowing with divine instinct. I allowed my SELF to have to the orgasmic pleasure of a live audience, because it will be gone soon.
So I’m going deep into the deep. My motto
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me” Psalm 42:7
Who new the Bible could be so erotic.